I picked that post title because it’ll publish to my Twitter feed, and I know my friends well enough to know they’ll click on that link. I didn’t do this just for frivolous attention (though I do love frivolous attention). There are two reasons.

The first is that in less than five hours, it will already be February. The date of graduation glides steadily, ominously closer. I have no job lined up for May, which is tragic because I am a model employee. Together, we can bring me into the working world. For humanity.

The second reason: I totally went ahead and made up rules for a drinking game you and your buddies can play next time you go to a coffee shop/independent book store/someone’s living room to indulge your literary sensibilities. You’re welcome. That’s called “taking initiative.” Employers love that.