Some Things I’ve Taught My Nephews

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will always be cool.

2. A large box can be a rocket ship, a fire engine, and a racecar all in the same afternoon.

3. How to burp the alphabet.

4. Inadvertently ­– how to swear in German (oops).

5. Momentum = Mass x Velocity

6. Some adults aren’t worth listening to.

7. Knowing the rules is a prerequisite to breaking the rules.

8. Boba Fett is severely overrated.

9. Ringo Starr’s real name is Richard Starky.

10. Reading is fun!

11. Not all dogs are nice.

12. How to fish.

13. Don’t drink the lake water – fish go to the bathroom in there.

14. How to properly choose a pumpkin fit for a Jack-O-Lantern.

15. Tattoos are forever.

16. How to use the NORAD Santa Tracker.

17. How to hang a spoon from your nose.

18. Bank tellers always have candy.

19. How to make ice cream.

20. Using your imagination is something you never have to grow out of.