There are few intellectual tragedies greater than having a good idea and being unable to see it realized for whatever reason: lack of funds, lack of expertise, lack of knowledge or time or resources, etc., etc. I often find myself adding a project to my list, knowing that I’ll never actually get it done. What I really need is a patron. What are the Medici doing these days?

In the mean time, I’ve decided to give some of these ideas to others:

Initially, I was just going to make this and leave it up at a local cafe, but it occurs to me that many of these ideas are open to interpretation and can be adjusted any which way the artist/producer fancies. Perhaps, instead of rewriting the Unabomber’s manifesto to make it about parenthood and the child care industry, one might use the principles of Marxism as the basis for a dinner party.

So here are my Free Ideas – transcribed in their entirety:

1. Rewrite the Unabomber’s manifesto so it’s about parenthood and the child care industry.
2. Take-a-flower, leave-a-flower.
3. Write letters in broken French to Angele Marie-Therese Mougeon, Maison de Saint Vincent retraite, 16 Rue de Metz, Châteu-salins, France, 57170 [Full Disclosure: I already did this one, sort of; Angele was married to a relative years ago, and after they divorced, she corresponded with a female relative who is now dead. The rest of us don’t know what happened to her, though she likely died at Saint Vincent’s. HOWEVER, the staff at Saint Vincent have ignored my letter requesting information/confirmation of her death, even though I’ve informed them that Angele has grown children and grandchildren who don’t know what happened to her. So I’d like them to continue receiving letters for Angele for a long, long time.]
4. I-74 (interstate) Theatre.
5. Imagine Claudius, Fourth emperor of Rome, as coming from a modern-era political family. Incorporate 50 eggs.
6. Paper doll-ify old political cartoons so subjects can be interchanged. Mussolini —> Trump —> Putin —> Bill Nye. The sun rises and sets. Nothing is ever new.
7. Pop-up museum.
8. Design a menu featuring items unfamiliar/repulsive to Americans (U.S.), e.g. guinea pig, balut, lutefisk, etc. Present items as appetizingly as possible.
9. Write reviews of old movies as though you were a professional film critic. Mail them to addresses chosen at random from the white pages.
10. Instead of throwing out old furniture, set it up in a public space. Decorate the area with care – doilies, coasters, framed family photos, etc.
11. Wanted posters for socio-political concepts.
12. Ask strangers (or friends, but strangers are more fun) to sum up their job in one word. Then take an extreme close-up photo of any part of their body. The word is the picture’s title.
13. Feather bombs.
14. Film your feet walking barefoot through streets, alleys, and sidewalks. [Parking garages are okay, too. Really, anywhere feet can go.]
15. Recreate a 60s B-movie bikini beach dance party during the first snow of the year.
16. A “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf” table read in the mall’s food court.
17. Puppet Opera.

Bonus! To make it internet special, and to round it off to an even 20, here are three more ideas:

18. Record – via audio – historical booty calls. That is, imagine Antony could call Cleopatra, or James Joyce could have gnarly phone sex with Nora.

19. A narrative from the perspective of a failed assassin.

20. Photo series dogs meeting each other for the first time.

Now I am leaving you to act (though act should be in quotation marks) in a short experimental film. Because there is art being made everywhere all the time and I want to do everything.