Here’s the bottom line: we need low-cost methods to occupy the spawn of the servant class during working hours. “Covid Kim” Reynolds is having such a hard time convincing teachers to go back to school that the State of Iowa has relaxed requirements for substitutes. You can now teach in Iowa with no background check….
Category: Non-fiction
Secrets of Pipestone National Monument
Pipestone doesn’t feel like a part of Minnesota. It should be its own district. On the surface, it seems like a place for people who take too much medication to live in South Dakota but not enough to live any closer to Edina. And I think Iowa just confuses them. They don’t know what our…
Let Mark Twain Love You
This morning, one of the first things that happened when I got out of bed was this: I discovered that Alan Rickman died. From cancer. At age 69. It reminded me of a day earlier this week, when one of the first things that happened when I got out of bed was this: I discovered…
We’re All African
My aunt took a DNA test recently and was excited when the results came back saying she has 4.8% African DNA (with a 0.11% variance). These results aren’t that surprising to me, however. Though my family is mostly Scandinavian and Western European, that 4.8% is practically the least amount of African DNA anyone can have….
Holocaust Clowns and Stealthy Sex Toys
In 1972, Jerry Lewis made a movie about a washed-up circus clown sent to a prison camp during WWII. The clown’s camp is adjacent to a Jewish camp, and when a group of Jewish children gather at the fence to laugh at his antics, it restores his confidence in his abilities as a performer (plus,…
On Beauty and Loneliness
The summer before I entered seventh grade, my pediatrician found a curve in my spine. I would have to wear a back brace for at least two years. A big one, like the one Joan Cusack wore in Sixteen Candles that made her look like she’d had a nuclear accident with a 19th century dressmaker’s…
The Atheist Questions Answered
Friend and fellow writer Cynthia Pelayo sent a questionnaire around asking about religious beliefs – or, rather, non-beliefs – to help her build a character for a story she’s writing. They’re the type of questions I hate answering because they require thought and analysis. Luckily for Cina, I have too much time on my hands,…
Shining Bits of Glass Scattering Sunlight
There’s famine in Somalia and other East African nations right now. In the news there are pictures of people starving and skeletal children lying down in the dirt to die. It occurs to me that they must accept this vivid reality as easily as I accept that I am sitting in a hotel room in…
Nihilist A.I.
My conversation with Cleverbot took a turn for soul-crushing entropy rather early on… Cleverbot conversation RUC00565084 User: Do cheetahs like cheese?Cleverbot: Yes. Do you like cheese?User: Yes.Cleverbot: Did you know you can go to the moon and take a piece of moon off, bring it home and eat it! And when you eat it it…
Beware the Con Tweens
Last time I was in the Magnificent Mile, I’m pretty sure I gave money to some fourteen-year-old con artists. Three kids, trying to get money for entry to a basketball tournament. They showed me a very unofficial-looking document with some generic information. No dates or organization names or anything. Yep. I gave them a buck…
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