Please Take My Card

As a recent grad who is virtually unemployed, depression creeps in on me a lot. That’s why my online presence has been lacking lately – it’s hard to get the motivation to write a blog entry when you feel like you want to die. I know more than a few people who have advanced degrees…

Brainrot

I’m house sitting this weekend to fund my upcoming trip to Chicago. As a consequence, I’ve been watching television, and am shocked by how much more entertaining the commercials are compared to the actual shows. This is not to say the commercials are good, like the one that tries to sell Fiats by filming them…

Weirdest Search Terms That Have Led People to This Blog

In no particular order, these are a sampling of actual terms some anonymous folks have entered into search engines, which subsequently led them to my blog. I realize that posting these terms will probably just make the problem worse, but some of them are just too hilarious (read: baffling) not to share. Corn pooh Ugly…

Out of Chicago

I’m sitting in my parents’ living room, eating potato chips, doing wrist curls with a 6 lb. weight, reading ‘Death by Black Hole’ by Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and watching ‘Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House’ on their giant television. All at the same time. People say I don’t know how to multi-task. I spent my…

It’s a Great, Big, Mad World Out There

I’ve been a little glum lately due to my inability to find work in my field. Sure, I could get a retail job, or make coffee, or sell dildos (I totally have an in at the Pleasure Chest), but after moving to Chicago to attend one of the most highly rated (and most expensive) art…

In Russia, Lemonade is Made From Turnips

I went to the James B. Murphy Auditorium on Friday to see Jeffrey Eugenides read and give a talk. I was too shy to bring my video camera this time, but Elizabeth J. Taylor of the Chicago Tribune arranged for me and eleven other students to receive free admission as well as a complimentary copy…

Fifty-Thousand Years Into the Future

This may be the worst idea I’ve ever heard (aside from Playboy Braille’s online edition). The ultimate anti-climax. KEO is the name of a time capsule that was supposed to be shot into space in 2003. Then they changed the proposed launch date to 2004, 2005, 2007, and so on. Now it’s set to be launched…

Rapture Kennels FOR RENT

 Have stumbled upon the best idea ever. There are (apparently) dozens of organizations across the country that offer to take care of pets after their Christian owners have been taken up in the rapture. That is, the organization seeks out non-Christians to act as caretakers. So, once the Christians have been sucked up into Heaven,…

Time Looks Like a Slinky

‘There is nothing to fear from one who shouts.’ – Chinua Achebe You can’t talk about Freud anymore, because if you do, people either roll their eyes and label you an excitable dumb ass, or start in on an analysis based on a misunderstanding of The Interpretation of Dreams. So I don’t talk about him,…